* As always, all name's have been changed for identity protection. This blog consists of a two part series on "Fantasy Sex Addiction" and is in real time. Which mean's it is occurring right now - Saturday, January 17, 2009. You can read this blog, in it's entirity, at: www.myspace.com/synthiaesthersem
* Up-date:
December 2009, Tommy left Debbie for a geriatric nurse he met at his mother's nursing home.
Debbie's first email was straight forward, honest, and heart wrenching. Having been married for over two decades to Tommy, Debbie confides, "My husband is so obsessed with women that he overlooks the effect it is doing on me and our marriage. I don't care if it is Christian women or not he wants attention from them. He puts pics of them on his MySpace page and is constantly writing and posting comments to them,..
EXCERPTS FROM DEBBIE'S EMAILS OVER MANY MONTHS, IN THE ORDER IN WHICH WAS SENT ME...
"If you look at his MySpace friends, he has mostly women. I have talked with him about the way he treats me but he gets mad at me and leaves or completely claims up and don't say anything. He hugs and kisses me like he is kissing his grandmother."
"But recently it has got worse. He is looking for a younger sexier woman. He has accounts on other sites and looks at porn and has very sexy women as friends. He goes to where he works every evening and gets on the Internet and chats and looks at dirty videos. He even does it here cause I have caught him. He was going to leave me for a sex industry worker he had been chatting with for months."
"He even puts on his profile he is widowed, divorced or separated."
"I stay depressed and lonely all the time. I don't know what else to do. But I know I can't live like this...."
IN THE PAST, DEBBIE TOOK PART IN INTERNET CYBERSEX CHATS.
"This is really affecting me and the kids and our marriage. I have recently also been talking to men. I think it is for attention and to get their approval."
..."I think a spirit of depression is on me. I sleep alot and have mood swings."
"Tommy just stays gone and don't want to deal with anything that is going on. He don't want to try to keep this family or marriage together. All he wants to do is flirt with women online and stay gone. He compliments women artist and singers and spends his money buying their CD's. He never gives me any compliments ..."
"Never a compliment on how I look... So I had been looking online and talking to men, I am trying to stay off the comp so much cause that is really getting me down. I had really thought about divorce and living alone which I am most of the time anyway. I have talked to him and told him how I feel and he clams up and won't talk or he leaves. And sometimes I don't care if he is here or not. I don't mean to sound cruel or mean but that's the way I have been feeling. I have looked at his page on his friends and it almost makes me sick. He will stop me whatever I am doing to show me what this woman has posted or what that woman is singing. Or what problems another one is having and post a bulletin for her, but never one bulletin for his family or prayer request. And if i don't come and listen to her he gets really mad at me. Sorry this message is so long, but this is what is really going on in my life."
"I don't understand why Tommy does this to me I stay home and take care of him and the kids. He seems like all he wants is a sexy young woman to flirt and give comments to. He has alot of them on his page. He even goes back to where he works every evening and gets on the computer. And if I call him and ask him where he is he lies to me. He even lies about his paychecks and only gives me so much to pay the bills and get groceries... And he don't act like he cares. I had to sell some of my gold jewelry a few weeks ago and take back my birthday present to buy groceries.""... emotionally my heart is ripped out. I sent him a message the other day that I was through with him. I am tired of the lies and sneaking around. Him being gone all the time not showing me any kind of affection at all. If it is a sexy playboy girl or some other attractive woman he does, but not me. He wont talk to me about it. He thinks if he is nice to me that the problem will go away. When I try to talk to him he gets mad at me and clams up. He continues to add these women on here and lust after them and call them and send them comments on their pics. He acts like a single man. I am so tired of this life. I don't know what else to do. He told me the other day he didn't care. Just needed to vent sorry you have enough problems of your own."
Tommy and Debbie are an attractive couple, blessed with beautiful children. They appear to be a perfect family. Both are MySpace friends I deeply love and care about. Tommy and Debbie have many Christian and ministry friends, and profess their salvation openly. Rather than simply hit my comment reply to Tommy, I began to go to his profile page, (as I often do with many friends that consult me), to prayer over him, his marriage, Debbie, and their children.
SEXUAL OBJECTIFICATION...
I too was sickened due to the pornography, comments and almost naked photos from women and girls that Tommy promoted, and was involved with on MySpace. Women on all fours, with 1/2 inch thongs, bare breast covered by finger tips. Young teen age girls in push up bra's , skimpy thongs, string bikini's, hump day adds with bare butts shining.
There were also xxx-rated porn sites advertised from women in the sex industry that Tommy was obviously emotionally involved with, courting them with comments. In between their pictures and comments were those of several Christian conservative ministries. It was very surreal. The bondage to lust and sex was evident, as Tommy was/is living a double life filled with sin, and grievesous sexual objectification.
THEIR ALMOST NAKED PHOTO'S ARE OMITTED. HOWEVER, YOU CAN READ TOMMY'S RETURN COMMENTS FROM A FEW OF THESE WOMEN AND YOUNG TEEN GIRLS...
Thank you for sending me your sweet comments I apreciate it sooo muuuuch!!! :))))))) I'm honored and blessed to have such a great friend. I hope the New Year brings you luuuuv and success!!!!
Hey Tommy, Thank you so much for the sweet picture comment! You're spoiling me :) More, more, more! JK! I hope you are enjoying the holidays and spending time with your family and friends. Take care and come back and see me soon! Kisses, Dana
I Hope you Have an Awesome HOLIDAY SEASON !!!! Thank You Tommy for stopping by and Saying Hello. Have a Great Night!!!!! XOXOX, Cassandra
P.S. Check Out My New Video:-)
Synthia Esther note's: This was a woman and her xxx-rated porn site. One of several Porn sites Tommy displayed on his Christian MySpace page.
______________________________________________
"DEBBIE DOES DALLAS BECAUSE TOMMY, HER HUSBAND, IS DOING TINA?"
This is like Debbie doing Dallas, because Tommy, her husband, did Tina. Internet chatting with other men will not solve Debbie's problems, as she readily now admitts. Two wrongs do not make it right. Sin is sin. In fact, this attitude will end up hurting Debbie all the more, as it goes against God's will and Holy plan.
PREDATOR'S... Predators prey on vulnerable men, woman, children and teens with low self esteem, or are suffering from a pattern of abusive relationships, past abuse, covert and overt incest, addiction and/or co-dependency addiction.
As for Debbie's husband?
Tommy's actions have been going on for many years, as he lives the life of a "Fantasy Sex Addict."
FANTASY SEX ADDICTS:
Fantasy sex addicts usually suffer from low self esteem, and often live in denial concerning their sexual preoccupation and addiction. Due to past wounds of abuse, rejection, perfectionism, lack of love, abandonment issues, covert and/or overt incest, and/or being raised by an addicted parent who is usually absent in spirit, body, or both.
"WHY IS MY HUSBAND COMMITING SIN AGAINST ME, OUR MARRIAGE VOWS, HIMSELF AND GOD?"
"WHY DOES HE SEE NO HARM IN HIS ACTIONS?"
Tommy may tell you he doesn't see the harm in his actions, but deep down in his heart he knows he is living a sin filled double life. Courting sin during the week while attending Church on Sunday?
Just as you knew your past actions Debbie, chatting in cybersex talk with other men was a sin. The Holy Spirit of God convicts us of such activities. I thank God Debbie, you have since confessed and are now reaching out to Christian same sex mentor's and God's word instead.
FILLING A VOID ONLY GOD CAN FILL...
Tommy seems to be trying to fill a void only God can fill. As most all addiction is but a mask hiding deeper pain and sorrow. In order to feel he measures up, Tommy seeks the approval and adoration of other women. Many other women!
This is sexual objectification. Which is defined as viewing women as sex objects for sin filled pleasure. It is a sin "bondage" that has dire consequences. Tommy's very soul is at stake.
HELP! MY PARTNER IS A SEX ADDICT!
As of late, I have received an abundance of emails from women who have, or are currently suffering from the abuse, or the aftermath of an abusive relationship. They dearly love their man, but he is obsessed with other women and young girls. This is what I term a "Womanizer."
What is even worse, is some of these men are in the ministry on MySpace and listed among fellow friends who are Christians and in ministry as well. To much is given, much is to be expected from God - Luke 12:47-48.
PEGGY LEE WRITES ME BY EMAIL...
"I then found out what his addiction was. Collecting women on the Internet, but I never found pornography, just pictures of women who he met on dating sites, met in the yahoo personals, or on social sites where he kept the profile view private."
"...he also said it was my fault that he was talking to other women. If I had given him what a man needed and acted like a women then he would not be talking to other women.
"I feel that at present the pain I have is so deep that I feel hopeless."
HURT, CONFUSSED AND HOPELESS? SUCH IS SATAN'S PLAN OF DISTRUCTION!
John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy, I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
IT IS NORMAL TO FEEL HOPELESS, CONFUSSED, HURT AND BEWILDERED...
Debbie and Peggy Lee, it is normal to feel hopeless, confused, hurt and bewildered when your mate seeks the love and adoration of other women, girls, boys...or men. I remember when I confronted my ex - Ryan about his sex and pornography addiction (reference story under "Addiction" sub tab, "Foolish Pleasure, The Love Story Of A Sex Addict, His Betrayal And Crime," at WWW.SYNTHIAESTHER.COM).
Ryan was a pilot in the Iraq war who lead a secret double life. Much like Tommy, he was a Bible quoting Christian by day, and a sex addict by night.
I was the woman at home waiting and praying for him to come back from the war in Iraq in one piece. However, it would not have mattered to me if he came back home without legs to walk on, because I loved him.
But it wasn't missing limbs that destroyed our relationship. It was his obsession with sex, other women, prostitutes, and even young minor girls which were his sin's obsession. His sex addiction was seeded at the age of 11, viewing soft core pornography magazines.
What you seed you feed, unless you surrender your will and life over to God's Holy plan. Addiction is a mask of bondage hiding deeper emotional pain and sorrow. Addiction and acting out is a symptom, not a cause.
SECRET DOUBLE LIFE...
Let me make one thing clear. These type of men usually marry what the world would term, "a perfect match." Yet they live a secret double life that includes sexual liaisons and/or fantasy's with many other women.
They literally live for the approval of these affairs, even if they are only affair's within the mind. They seek power and control over their life, instead of surrendering to God's will for their life.
DEBBIE AND PEGGYLEE YOU ARE NOT ALONE...
Aside from my mail and emails, here are a few infamous, recent examples:
TIGER WOODS - THE PERFECT HUSBAND AND FATHER BY DAY, SEXUAL DIVIANT BY DAY AND NIGHT!
Tiger Woods is the epitome of a sex addict! This man is as sick as my ex -Ryan. Egocentric sin filled pleasure. Life on the down low will eventually catch up with you. Think your wife or girl-friend will never know? Think again! God will reveal your hand of sin, to bring you close to His heart, will, and ways. It is an act of God, when you get caught! And I pray you seek His guidance, and not your personal revenge. May God's light shine ever bright in the shadow of sorrow, and remorse of your sins.
ELIOT SPITZER
New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, and his "Harvard" grad wife Slida. Spitzer was a client of the Emperors' Club VIP, "An international prostitution and money laundering ring," reference article on my website about sex addicts making the news: WWW.XXXHISWAY.COM.
Spitzer had sex with a 22 year old prostitute and MySpace cuttie named Ashley Alexandra Dupee. Los Angeles Times, Wednesday, March 12, 2008, reports, "Watching the governor's press conference, many wonder, "Why would she stay with him?" "That's what politicians wives do," said Sherman Smith, 53, an accountant in Atlanta, "Its about wealth and power. She loses too if she abandons him." Ashley Dupree has since gone on, as of December 2009, to become a so called "relationship expert," writing her own weekly column for the "New York Post." God help us all!
FORMER NEW JERSEY GOVERNOR - JAMES MCGREEVEY
Then there is former New Jersey governor James McGreevey, who admitted he was gay while his adorable wife Dina Matos McGreevey, stood by her man. At least for the governor's announcement in the 2004 press conference. You can read the full account of these story's and more at our sex news website: WWW.XXXHISWAY.COM .
Let us not forget Bill and Hilary Clinton!
ALL THESE WOMEN LOVE AND ADORE ME... SAYS THE FANTASY SEX ADDICT! THE ADDICT LIVES IN DENIAL...AS THESE WOMEN COULD CARE LESS ABOUT THEM!
Being considered a physically attractive woman is not important to a sex addict. One of a sex addict's favortie motto's is, "They are all the same up-side down!" The "amount" of women, men, girls, or boys (depending on their sexual preference), they can add to their collection of admirers is their number one priority. The more women/girls they can attract or pay for sex...the better they feel about themselves. To a sex addict, these women/girls complete them.
WANT EXAMPLES?
One has only to look at Christy Brinkley's perverted ex-husband, and Holly Berry's ex -sex addicted husband to know the score card of a womanizing sex addict. It's all a game of numbers, with women who fall prey to their seduction just a notch in the belt, or a mark on the bed post.
MANY WIVES OF SEX ADDICT'S CLAIM..."I COULD NEVER COMPETE WITH THESE GIRLS AND WOMEN... I DON'T LOOK LIKE A SUPER-MODEL!"
It would not matter if you were the most beautiful woman or girl in the world. A sex addicted husband or boyfriend would continue to seek other women/girls, because he has created an addiction to them. What you seed you feed. Without submitting to God's Holy plan, their obsession with sex only gets worst, as the escalation process continue's.
Short story reference on this website:
"Don't Feed The Pig - He Could End Up As Big As Hogzillia!"
WHAT ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN?
The Bible talks of generational curses and blessings upon our children.
You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. - Deuteronomy 5:8-10.
Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and "keep" His commands. -Deuteronomy 7:9
Please Note: The entire 18th chapter of Ezekiel we find God does not hold us responsible for the sins of our father's. However, what the scripture's in Deuteronomy note is that sin flows downward and the sin nature of our ancestors affects us through several generations.
Sin, disobedience, and hatered of God cause a downward flow, while obedience, love and faith in God cause an upward flow of blessings to a thousand generations.
WHAT IS GOD'S ADDICTION DEFINITION?
James 1:13-15, "When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me.' For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor can He tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his "own evil desire", he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to death."
Need More Information concerning addictions cause and affect? Read My Reference Article:
GOD'S WORD DECLAIRS WE ARE TO GUARD OUR HEARTS AND MINDS:
* Proverbs 5:23, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
* Romans 12:2, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will."
* Matthew 22:36-38, "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law? Jesus replied,"Love The Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment."
* Romans 14:12, "So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God."
SEXUAL IMMORALITY:
* 1st Corinthians 6:18-19, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."
* 1st Corinthians 5:9-13, "I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people - not at alll meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. But now I am writing you that you must "not" associate with anyone who calls himslef a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat. What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. Expel the wicked man from amoung you."
* 2nd Tim 3:13, "while evil men and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived"
* 2nd Tim 4:3, "For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear."
WHAT DOES GOD'S WORD SAY ABOUT TOMMY'S DOUBLE LIFE?
GOD'S WARNING...
* Revelation 3:16, "So, because you are luke-warm, neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth."
* Revelation 3:19, "Those who I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent."
GOD HATES HYPOCRISY AND IDOLS OF THE HEART.
* James 1:6-8, But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."
* James 4:8, "Come near to God and He will come near to you. Washyour hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded."
SYNTHIA ESTHER'S ADVICE TO DEBBIE -
My advice for you Debbie is to continue to seek God and His word. Yes, Tommy is doing you, your marriage, and children a sin filled injustice, but the bottom line is this: "The only person you can change is yourself." If you feel you are under the stronghold of co-dependency addiction, please visit our main website at:
Real time note: Before this blog went online, Debbie, on Friday, January 16, 2009, told Tommy he would have to leave. I had not given her any advice to do so...she did this on her own accord.
WHAT WOULD I DO?
Adultry within the mind, is adultry none the less. Matthew 5:27, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
It seems obvious to me, Tommy is coveting the women/girls he is courting with his comments.
Exodus 20:17, "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."
The word transalted "covet" is the Hebrew word hamad, "desire, delight in," and when used in the negative means "inordinate, ungoverned selfish desire."
MANY WOMEN ASK ME, "WHAT DO I DO?" IN RELATION TO THEIR MATE'S SEXUAL SINS.
THEY CLAIM, "I HAVE WARNED HIM OVER AND OVER AGAIN...STATING I WAS GOING TO LEAVE HIM IF THE SITUATION DIDN'T CHANGE...
'YET I AM STILL HERE, LIVING IN SORROW, PAIN AND LONLINESS.'"
If Tommy were my husband he would have long been gone...for I believe there is no excuse for abuse or adultry! My ultimatum would be, "O.K. Romeo, it is either them or me! Which will it be?"
Unfortunately, more often than not most die hard "Romeo Womanizer's" will often respond..."Them!" That is until they know you mean business and are leaving the relationship. Then they usually fall into "hunter" mode in order to try and win you back.
THE INFAMOUS HUNTER MODE...
The hunting phase brings the excitement and challenge of a hunt, which most narcissistic, wounded Romeo's crave, as the high of endorphins rush to their brains. If they do get you back, they usually turn into a heat seeking missile called "Mr. Romeo" again, chasing skirts, pants or both, as many sex addicts are bi-sexual. Sad fate but true. For unless they completely change in humble repentance and submission to God's will for their life, they will always be a womanizing "Mr. Romeo."
Remember, "The only person you can change is yourself." God could zap and change you, and even He decided not to. That is why we were born with freewill.
Don't like my advice and Biblical references?
You can take the advice of down low charmer and former governor James McGreevey in his eloquent statement posted by CNN.com, Friday, August 13, 2004, while defending he was/is gay.
McGreevey states, "At a point in every person's life, one has to look deeply into the mirror of ones soul and decide ones unique truth in the world, not as we may want to see it or hope to see it, but as it is."
UNIQUE TRUTH?
BEING GAY IS NOT A UNIQUE TRUTH... REMEMBER LOT? SODOM AND GOMORRAH?
O.K James, we get it. You used your ex wife Dina for your political career, even having a child together. All the while you were living a double life on the down low, obessed with sexual sodomy in the arms of men. That doesn't sound unique to me!
DEBBIE, DON'T DO DALLAS!
So Debbie, my friend, I am glad you gave up having cybersex talk with Dallas! You can always do what I did. Trade in your physical man, for a spiritual man named Jesus Christ. He's the one man who will never let you down.
Jesus Christ loves you beyond measure. And awaits to hear your voice and see your beautiful smile each and every day. Without Him, your life and marriage doesn't stand a chance. With Him you have hope in a new way, and a new day. Jesus Christ is the bondage breaker. Whom the Son sets free, is free indeed!
Please note: Although for the purpose of this article I reference men. There are many fantasy sex addicted women as well.
Jesus Christ and His love should be all the validation we ever need in life. His death and resurrection on the Cross of Calvary was for you, and all of humanity, offering proof of His unconditional grace, mercy and everlasting love. - John 3:16.
* AS OFTEN, MY BLOGS ARE POSTED IN REAL TIME. BOTH DEBBIE AND TOMMY CAN READ YOUR COMMENTS.
* THIS BLOG IS ONE OF A TWO PART SERIES ON FANTASY SEX ADDICTION
AS THE SAGA AND REALITY OF SEX ADDICTION CONTINUES ON...
Copyright - 2009-2010, Synthia Esther. All Rights Reserved.
PLEASE NOTE:
* You can send via MySpace email, or standard mail, your "Dear Synthia" questions to:
Synthia Esther Ministries -
Dear Synthia
P. O. Box 55
Stockbridge, Ga. 30281
COPYRIGHT - 2009-2010, SYNTHIA ESTHER. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
